Ogden Nash Quotes

Quotes by Famous Americans Past and Present

Ogden Nash Quotes

"Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker."

"A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of."

***

"To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up."

***

"Abracadabra, thus we learn,
The more you create, the less you earn.
The less you earn, the more you're given,
The less you lead, the more you're driven,
The more destroyed, the more they feed,
The more you pay, the more they need
The more you earn, the less you keep,
And now I lay me down to sleep.
I pray the Lord my soul should take
If the tax collector hasn't got it before I wake."

***

"Smite, Smoot,
Be rugged and rough,
Smut if smitten
Is front-page stuff."

***

"How pleasant to sit on the beach,
On the beach, on the sand, in the sun,
With ocean galore within reach,
And nothing at all to be done!"

***

"There are two kinds of people who blow through life like a breeze,
And one kind is gossipers, and the other kind is gossipees,
And they certainly annoy each other,
But they certainly enjoy each other,
Yes, they pretend to flout each other,
But they couldn't do without each other"

***

"I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree.
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all."

***

"Whales have calves,
Cats have kittens
Bears have Cubs,
Bats have bittens,
Swans have cygnets,
Seals have puppies,
But guppies just have little guppies."

***

"Life has a tendency to obfuscate and bewilder,
Such as fating us to spend the first part of our lives
being embarrassed by our parents and the last part
being embarrassed by our childer."

***

"Whether elected or appointed
He considers himself the Lord's anointed,
And indeed the ointment lingers on him
So thick you can't get your fingers on him."

***

"It is the sin of omission, the second kind of sin,
That lays eggs under your skin."

***

"Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave
When they think that their children are naive."

"I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it."

"One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence."

"The further through life I drift
The more obvious it becomes that I am lacking in thrift."

"Purity is obscurity."

"When called by a panther, don't anther."

"Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else."

"Some people, and it doesn't matter whether they are paupers or millionaires,
Think that anything they have is the best in the world just because it is theirs."

"Other people, and it doesn't matter if they are Scandinavians or Celts,
Think that anything is better than theirs just because it belongs to somebody else."

"Too clever is dumb."

"My field — the minor idiocies of humanity."

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